Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
