why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
