the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize