tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
