You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I didn't shave. On purpose
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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