Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
