Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
