I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize