I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
