oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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