Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
