You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
