I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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