I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
