So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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