I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
