You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
