Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
