it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize