Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
