Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
