you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
