It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
