watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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