The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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