i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
