thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize