So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize