I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
