i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
