she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
