I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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