i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
