I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
