Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Sponge bath it is.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
