so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
