Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize