i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
