he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
