I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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