Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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