Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
