saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i now understand why vodka
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have post one night stand depression
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