ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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