I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
