Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
