I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
