I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
