Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
