my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize