i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
