i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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