i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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