He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
