Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
