2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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