im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
