Hey man sorry I got all grabby
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
