my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you have to choose: penises or morals?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize