I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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