Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
