Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
