This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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