When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
