I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
