I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
