why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
