You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
