sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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