I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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