the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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