I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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