just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
