Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
