Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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