I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
