just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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