my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
