His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize