i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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