I feel like abortions should bother me more
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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