If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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