So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
