Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
