He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
