No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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