I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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