it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
