If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
worst night to have a conscience
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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