1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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