My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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