ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i would punch a child for taco bell
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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