wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
