is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
