in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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