OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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