Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I wear drunk well.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
