I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
